First came Ali G, then Borat. Now, fashionably late, welcome Brüno – star of the most
outrageous movie of the year. In a world exclusive interview to celebrate Brüno's visit this month, Time Out Sydney asked international and local celebrities to come up with the
Scarlett Johansson asks: Brüno, how long does it take you to get ready in the morning? It can take a vhile deciding vhat to wear. Once ich took five hours choosing vhich of my little dogs vent best vith my shirt. In ze end zey vere taking up so much time, I had zem put down.
Miranda Kerr asks: Who is your favourite fashion designer in the world and why? Ich cannot say because all ze others vill kill themselves, und ich don’t vant zere blood on mein hands. Unless zat is zis week’s look.
Wayne Coper asks: Why are the best designers in the world all men? Ze same reason zat men give ze best blowjobs – practice.
Nicole Richie asks: Who is more talented – Dolce or Gabbana? Ich could not choose. It is like choosing between Paris Hilton und Kim Kardashian.
Kim Kardashian asks: Since you’re always on TV, what are your beauty tips to keep you looking so good? Ich put ein pillow in front of ze toilet und sing ‘Bulimian Rhapsody’.
The Chaser's Chris Taylor asks: Which Sex and the City character are you most like and why? Ich am most like Carrie because she has ein man’s face.
Australia's Next Top Model presenter Jonathan Pease asks: You meet Karl Lagerfeld at a party – what is the first thing you ask him? Ich vould say “Ve are so similar – you have hair like a pony, und ich am hung like ein horse!”
Mischa Barton asks: Yourself aside, who is the most fashionable person in the world and why? Ze Pope. Because he just keeps going vith his own look.
Model agency diva Janice Dickinson asks: Who is the world's hottest model? It vould be Tiger Voods. He looks great in all his golfing outfits, und on top of zat he’s President of America!
Jerry Springer asks: Which religion is the most fashionable? Ich vas going to say Buddhism, but ich could not support ein religion zat encourages over-eating. Zere Pope, Buddha, is so fat he can only vear underpants.
CELEBRITY HAIRDRE SSER BRAD NGATA ASKS: Blonde mohawk to floppy highlights – where is your hair going next? Predicting vhat ich vill do vith mein hair is like trying to predict ze weather. It cannot be done.
Wil Anderson asks: I am going to Austria next month. What key German phrases should I try out? “Ich wollen du bleachen mein arschenhaller.”
UK designer Sir Paul Smith asks: Who is your style icon? Ich am always inspired by amazing people. Like vhen Princess Diana visited zose African children vith ze landmines. Ich vas inspired to be as thin as zem.
SIXTIEs supermodel Twiggy asks: What will be the hot look of 2010 in your opinion? Ich vould like to be vearing ze thighs of ein young Brad Pitt clone.
Former British heavyweight box er Frank Bruno asks: Which Bruno would win a fight – me or you? Me. Ich hast fought harder over belts zan you ever did!
The Chaser's Julian Morrow asks: Has your neo-post-uber-crypto-retro personal fashion philosophy ever landed you in trouble with the authorities? Ich had ein problem at customs in New York vhen ich was going through a phase ich called “Taliban Chic”.
Lauren Weisberger, author of The Devil Wears Prada, asks: How do you cope with a bad hair day? Ich don’t know. Ich have never had one.
The Office's Rainn Wilson asks: What colour is Tuesday? Vell Tuesday is mein colonic day, so for me it’s every colour of ze rainbow!
Perez Hilton asks: You called your baby OJ. What other names were in the running? Pimp Baby. Ebony Spirit. Nubian.
Justin Hemmes, owner of ivy, asks: If you ran a club, what would the dress code be? Ich don’t care vhat people vear as long as zey are famous. So in Sydney, zat’s a pretty empty club.
HEIDI MIDLETON, CO-CREATOR OF SASS & BIDE, ASKS: What are you wearing right now? Ich am wearing only ze sweat of ze Filippino who came in to clean mein room.
Dita Von Teese asks: To what lengths would you go to get into a hot party? Ich hid in ein discoball und rolled my vay up a disabled ramp into ein pool party vhere ich nearly drowned.
NOVA 969’s Roso asks: Imagine Lindsay Lohan asks you for a date. What do you say? “Nein, you hast ein vaginen like ze waste bin at ein Chinese restaurant.”
RUSSEL BRAND asks: What do you look for in a pair of underpants? Ze usual – cocken, ballen, arschen, luben.
BOB DOWNE asks: How do you fend off a man with two dildos? Unless you have two arschenhallers, it ist going to get ugly. Joan Rivers asks: Who the hell is Brüno? Who is Brüno? Zat is fine coming from you. You’ve had so much surgery ze question should be: "Vhat is Joan Rivers?" MTV VJ Ruby Rose asks: What message do you have for the people of Sydney? Brüno will be in town, come und vorship at mein big gay church! Ich vill play your shvantzes like didgeridoos!
No comments:
Post a Comment